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Are you a people pleaser? Do you have trouble saying “no” to requests for help, to attend events, or otherwise do something you really do not want to? Do you feel you have to live up to a certain expectation, such as your familial, professional, or social roles? Many of us were taught growing up we must be kind and generous with our time. While this may be good to an extent, it was often forgotten to include “only when you have the capacity to do so without stressing yourself out”.
When we give to others at the expense of ourselves and our own mental health, we are not using good boundaries. Most of us lead busy lives, with work, school, family, and other obligations. We all need help at times. So why do we feel guilty about saying “no” when we are not up to giving more than we have the emotional bandwidth for?
This often stems from low self-esteem, and thinking we must please others if we want to be liked. Core beliefs such as this may lead us to overcompensate; we give more of ourselves than we feel up to. When we do so, we may find that we are emotionally exhausted, anxious, irritable, and stressed.
There is a price to pay when we overextend ourselves. If we chronically give away our time and energy while neglecting ourselves, over time we may wake up one day and realize we hardly know who we are anymore. Our identity becomes intertwined and defined by our roles, as parents, professionals, or social activities. How many of you can relate to this?
Saying “no” when you need to does not make you a bad or unkind person. When we learn how to set healthy boundaries, we model good self-care. You might be surprised how many people appreciate that. If we are honest when saying no, we do not need to be rude. A statement such as “I would love to be able to help, but right now, I feel I am at my limit and need to take care of myself and recharge. I am not in the best space to give my full attention to this, so this time, I must say no”.
Do you need help learning to set healthy boundaries? Are you dealing with a low sense of self-esteem? Counseling can help! Let’s begin your journey to health and wellness!
970-462-5890
Now accepting new adult clients for individual counseling evenings and Friday mornings.
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